Welcome to another edition of RDLee Free Insanity. This one is a treat, After being called out on his audio for not having a guest of his star power, I decided to turn the tables and give the always controversial Canadian Bulldog his chance to lash out at whatever and whoever he wants. This interview is filled with trademark humor and educated writing, and thats all just from my side. So without further adu, Put the paper down because here it is:
RDLee: Thanks for joining me today Bulldog, I will try not to pretend like I don't know who you are...
Bulldog: Well, it's an honor just to be here on the Bryan and Vinny Show, Mr. Alvarez, and so...... wait. What the fuck is this???? RDLee Free Insanity? That doesn't even make SENSE gramatically!
RDLee: Yes it does....So let me start off by asking if YOU can pretend to know who I am for this interview?
Bulldog: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it. Anyways, my only parameters for this interview: no Aaron Wood questions, PLEASE.
RDLee: Too bad....thats the theme. So are you proud of yourself for creating the "Artie Lee" gimmick just to get a cheap pop and rip me off and attempt to get more ratings on your audios?
Bulldog: What in the blue hell are you talking about? I thought you WERE Artie! Why do you think I'd have enough free time to even do something like that?
RDLee: Maybe because you are an "RDLee mark?" Nevermind that though, The biggest question on peoples mind these days is where the does this immense hatred for Aaron Wood comes from?
Bulldog: Here's the thing: Aaron Wood sucks. He adds absolutely nothing to this website (by *this website*, I mean WWI, but surely he adds nothing to your blog, either). I think my message has come across loud and clear. Captain Suck should just go back to the 'Ness and appear in doctored newspaper photographs. That's all he's good for.
RDLee: Now that the lines have been drawn why do you think that Fritz Stephey has joined Aaron's "Team Suck"?
Bulldog: I don't know, and I have no clue who or what "Fritz Stephey" is. Sounds like a 1940's cartoonist ("A Fritz Stephey Car-Tune: Harebrained Hi-Jinx"). But if this kid had any sense, he'd know that there's virtually no upside to teaming with Lame-Ass Wood.
RDLee: What are your thoughts on Zah coming to your defense and joining your side against the evils of "Team Suck"?
Bulldog: ZAH is someone I consider to be the MVP of World Wrestling Insanity, so anything he says is credible and flattering as hell. Mind you, though, who else would he side with in a feud involving Aaron Wood? Kind of a no-brainer there. Still, we Canucks stick up for each other. Canadians are like that - we'll fiercely loyal, will refuse to do jobs in our home country, and even speak our own secret language (French). You mess with the land of Molson and Maple Syrup? Not a wise move, Potsy.
RDLee: I came up with new names for your 2 stables.... You and Zah are the "Canadian BullZah's" and A.W. and Fritz are the "Fritzy Woods"... Do you think I should a named genius of the year?
Bulldog: I didn't realize there were stables. Though "The Fritzy Woods" does describe those two douchebags to a T. You are a genius RDLee, and you do equal ratings. Whatever that means.
RDLee: You know what it means... any who, Do you think James Guttman will ever have you and Aaron on a 3:10 audio at the same time just to watch the fireworks show?
Bulldog: I'm sure James would love to do that -- hell, any time I'm on the 3:10, the ratings go through the ROOF -- the only problem is, Captain Suck would never agree to it. He talks a big game, a zillion miles away from JG and I, but when it comes down to it, buddy is just plain scared. And you can quote me on that! Oh, looks like you ARE quoting me on that.
RDLee: Do you think my idea of you doing a full 30 minute audio discussing ONLY the suckage of Aaron Wood would be a success or "suckcess" so to speak?
Bulldog: It would be the biggest waste of audio ever!
RDLee: Sum up....
Bulldog: EVER!!!
RDLee: Um ok.... Sum up Aaron Wood in one word.... and you can't use the word "Suck"
Bulldog:"Sucks". See I didn't use the word "Suck" there at all. I pluralized it... so, perfectly acceptable substitute.
RDLee: So do you think in your heart of hearts that you and Aaron could ever patch things up and meet somewhere to share a ice cream sundae?
Bulldog: There's a joke in there that's WAY too obvious (involving the words "Aaron" "share" and "ice cream sundae"), but I'm far too high-brow to bring it up.
RDLee: Ok enough about Mr. Suck. Why is the "Infamous Suzanne" still considered "Infamous"? Shouldn't she be "Famous" now that she has been revealed as your object of desire?
Bulldog: Anyone who hooks up with me is obviously bad-ass, hardcore or any of those wrestling analogies you want to use. So that alone makes Bulldog's main squeeze "Infamous".
RDLee: And your co-host of many shows, the Big Rybowski, is called "Big" because of what? Is he overweight? Is he tall? Or is it his huge...... feet???
Bulldog: I believe he was named after Big Bird, actually. If you've ever listened to Complete and Utter Bulldog (and I urge all you stupid marks... I mean, dedicated readers.... to do so on Club WWI), you know that the program begins and ends with The Big Rybowski. He's just THAT impressive.
RDLee: If DH Smith challenged you to a wrestling match to determine who would be crowned the undisputed Canadian Bulldog, how would it play out? And be honest!
Bulldog: Who? That little douchebag who stole my name? Well, let me ask you this: I've been Canadian Bulldog for more than five years and I'm only getting more recognition worldwide as time goes on. He was Canadian Bulldog for, what, four weeks on Sunday Night Heat before getting jobbed out to JBL or Raw? I think you already know who the more powerful "Canadian Bulldog" is here. Do a Google search with the words "Canadian Bulldog" in quotes -- I think you'll see who has far more greatest hits.
RDLee: If you HAD to do one of these two things what would it be.... Share a plate of spaghetti with Aaron Wood, Lady and the Tramp style or Take a 5 minute stinkface from Rikishi with him forgetting to wear the thong?
Bulldog: See, now you're just TRYING to get me to make the obvious joke (involving the words "Share" "Spagheti" "Stinkface" "Thong" "Aaron Wood" and "Sucks", Too easy, my friend!
RDLee: So we're friends now? Anyways, There is a rumor that you will be getting neutured live on your next audio to attempt to be new and original, any truth to that?
Bulldog: In the two-plus years I've been doing CAUB, I've done the show in a hot tub. I've talked TNA in the shower. I've brought you to some of the wildest, drunkest parties known to man or woman. I've been in New York City, Niagara Falls and Calgary. I've recorded myself sleeping. I've given away money live to callers on the air. I've almost been killed. And most recently, I took a leak while on the air. Compared to those things, getting neutered sounds tame.
RDLee: Do you have any pet peeves or problems with anyone else on the WWI message boards besides Mr. Suck?
Bulldog: None whatsoever. I love all the stupid marks equally, especially those who have joined the newly-christened "Canadian Bulldog Coalition".
RDLee: Ok, if you can get overyourself for a minute, it's time for us to wrap it up.... I want to wish you all the best in your future endevours and allow you to say one last thing to all the stupid little Bulldog "marks" out there....
Bulldog: Best in future endeavors? If wrestling has taught me anything, that means I'm about to get FIRED!!! Geez, what a way to find out JG is canning my ass! Anyways, I appreciate everyone who reads my columns and listens to my audios. Thanks -- and I truly mean this -- for the compliment!!!
Also, Aaron Wood sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment